31st December 2020 • Sticky Post

Personal Inventory: Taking Stock for the New Year

If you have any experience with recovery, you’re probably already familiar with the concept of a personal inventory. The Big Book used by Alcoholics Anonymous describes Step 4 as “a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” But even if you aren’t in a 12 Step Program, tackling a personal inventory should still be a component of your recovery program.

Everyone makes mistakes in life, and everyone is wronged by others. For most addicts, the severity and number of these transgressions are compounded by a lifestyle that’s almost certain to lead to trauma, stress, and dishonesty. A personal inventory is a great tool for examining the effects of the harm done and moving beyond it into a happy, healthy, and sober life.

Facing The Facts

The life of an addict can be a blur, and many people in recovery are just beginning to confront the reality of their own actions and behaviors. It is common to dwell on negative emotions, past trauma, and family dynamics to justify addiction and to minimize our own roles in poisoning relationships and creating problems in our lives and the lives of those around us. One of the most essential benefits those in recovery receive from a personal inventory is the ability to examine and evaluate their own actions without shifting blame, justifying past misdeeds, and becoming bogged down in negative emotions. Addicts and alcoholics necessarily spend years lying to themselves and those around them about the nature, depth, and symptoms of their condition. As you begin to scrupulously examine the facts of your life, you’ll find that the reality of your life and relationships are significantly different from the stories you’ve been telling yourself and those around you. This is a key reason why personal inventories are so essential to recovery.

Fears, Resentment, and Forgiveness

The Big Book suggests that when embarking on the fact-finding stage of the enterprise, you create four columns to list all relevant information on your resentments, fears, sexual conduct, and harm caused to other people. When reflecting on resentments, we should focus on ways to move past anger and forgive those who have caused hurt. By embracing forgiveness and giving others the benefit of the doubt, you can let go of negative emotions that push you towards destructive actions. The 12 Step model lists resentment as the most serious character flaw for alcoholics and addicts, and learning to view the actions of those around you with understanding and compassion is one of the secrets to living a happy life.

At Iboga Tree Healing House, we have found that Naikan Therapy is a powerful tool for moving past resentment and cultivating a sense of gratitude in life. Naikan therapy focuses on reflecting upon your relationships: what you’re offering to and taking from the people around you every day. It has helped our clients move beyond resentment and into a positive outlook on their relationships with loved ones. We’d recommend this treatment as a complement to your personal inventory. 

As you progress into examining the harm that you have caused others, it’s important to get specific. You want to address the exact nature of your own wrongs, and the motivation which caused you to hurt those around you. When you’re tackling this part of the process, it’s important to be very careful not to justify or minimize any of your own actions. You should be reflecting on all of your relationships at this stage in the process, in order to create a full accounting of the damage your addiction has caused, and prepare you to begin healing and repairing that damage. 

Fears are important because they can often lead us to damaging behavior. They also lead to secrecy, dishonesty, and feelings of inadequacy. Addressing them head-on is a necessary step towards dealing with your own character flaws and changing yourself for the better. While it’s unlikely that you’ll completely conquer every fear you have, learning to respond positively to the feeling of fear will be a great help on your recovery journey.

Let's get emotional

The process of undergoing a personal inventory will also lead you to explore your own emotional development and the ways in which addiction has stunted it. As you undergo the process and unearth painful memories, you’ll get to know which emotions you’re comfortable with experiencing, and which ones you tend to avoid feeling or expressing. Avoiding unpleasant emotions is one of the primary reasons why people turn to substances, and developing a level of comfort and familiarity with your feelings will help you to maintain sobriety. 

One tip that many people familiar with personal inventory tend to offer is to begin by creating a list of people, businesses, ideas, principles, situations, and institutions that have played a meaningful role in your life. As you work through the list, think about your memories, and the thoughts and feelings you associate with each. As you examine your own reactions and the emotions which are triggered, you will quickly realize (based on the intensity of your reactions) what you’ll need to focus on as you create an inventory.

What you'll get out of your personal inventory 

A well-run business regularly checks its inventory to see what it has. Is a supermarket dangerously low on milk? Does the pharmacy have medications that are about to expire? You’re looking to reach a similar goal within your own brain. What do you have inside yourself that is holding you back and causing you pain? What are your untapped resources and sources of strength? Are you carrying far too many negative emotions and memories into every situation you find yourself in? Do you have an urgent need for emotional support or self-esteem? What can you draw motivation and will-power from when you’re feeling low? 

A personal inventory is an integral part of the recovery process because it leads you to discover the truth about yourself and your life. It can help you finally get rid of the false narratives, negative emotions, and counter-productive decision-making processes that trapped you in addiction. It will let you know what relationships need to be repaired and guide you into making amends with those you’ve hurt. It will help you grow. It will help you learn.

It's just worth doing.